Dear Diary
by Riles
Summary: A collection of Titan diaries through difficult times in their lives. HIATUS
1. April 13, Starfire

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans.

I must credit the idea of this to Aymme and Julia. Aymme is the one who actually wrote something about her boyfriend that inspired me, and Julia is the one who showed it to me. I hope you both end up with a happily ever after.

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_Dear Diary, _

_I left my home today. Earth had become my home, for I had been away from Tamaran for so long. Now I see, though, that my time on Earth was not meant to be permanent. Galfore called me back to Tamaran. He is very sick, and does not think he has much longer to live. He sent Tamaranian soldiers to pick me up in the Gardilnof XI3. With Galfore gone, there would be no one left to assume the position of Grand Ruler. Komand'r was banished, and is of course not allowed to rule. After the accident with Ryand'r several years ago, this leaves only me. This is why I find myself returning to Tamaran._

_I did not even get to say goodbye, it was so urgent that I leave immediately. Cyborg was at a movie with Bumblebee, Raven at her favorite café, and Beast Boy at the arcade. Robin was in his room, asleep. He had been training all day and was very tired. The four Tamaranians sent to pick me up allowed me to say goodbye to this one friend—my boyfriend—who was near. And him alone._

_When I walked into Robin's room, I had intended to wake him so that I might truly say goodbye. When I saw him sleeping there, however, I could not bring myself to do so. It would be too cruel, to wake him from his peaceful slumber. He looked so… cute, just lying there on his bed. Usually when I see him, he is concentrating and worried over something, but not then. His face was so kind, so peaceful. It is a vulnerable expression I often long to see, but am only rarely granted. I stood by his door and watched him for the few minutes I was allowed before whispering my goodbye so as not to wake him._

_I returned to my room and quickly wrote a note to leave on my bed. It read something like this:_

_My friends,_

_I wish I could have properly said goodbye to you all, but time does not allow this. My nanny, as you would call him, is very ill, and is not expected to recover. I am the only choice to take over Tamaran. Please do not try and come after me, for that will only make my decision worse. I _choose_ to be Grand Ruler of Tamaran because it is best for my people. We have spoken of this before, but I believe that in some ways, it will be best for me too._

_I am afraid that words cannot express my gratitude to you all. You were friends to me when no one else was. You believed in me even when I had not been touched by the warmth of kindness (of "nice"). Your generosity has meant more to me than you will ever know. It deeply saddens me to leave you now, but I do. Please pass on my dearest wishes to the rest of the Titans, wherever they may be. I am sorry I can never repay the kindness you have shown me, but I will always cherish these years with you in my heart. Please do not forget me, as I will never forget a moment I have spent with you._

_Starfire _

_I have no idea what will be good for me as I return to Tamaran. I lied to my friends so that they would not follow. I only wish, more than anything, that they have enjoyed my time with them as much I have._

_No, that is not true. What I wish, more than anything, is that Robin will follow me and sweep me off my feet as he takes me back to Earth. I do not want to go, despite the fact that I do not want to leave Tamaran without a ruler. I want Robin to fight for me so that I may return with him to Earth. I am leaving to go to another planet, another galaxy, a place far away from where he could reach me. He has been my only boyfriend, but he is without doubt the best. Robin and I were officially a couple for over a year, and somewhere within that time, I realized that I loved him. I do not know how I am going to live, move, even breathe without him, but I must try for now. Because we will not be apart forever. Someday, I know, we will see each other again. Robin is my best friend, and has made me who I am today. From the first day I met him, he has done nothing but try to help me, even though I was from another world. Even though I am sure we shall see each other again, I miss him. I miss touching him whenever I wanted, be it a kiss, a hug, or just the ability to grab his hand when I am scared. Right now, I am very scared. I miss him walking up to my room and knocking on my door at midnight just to say hi and that he missed me. I miss him. He is everything I would ever want in a guy, and I know that we can make it through this. It is just a bump in the road, nothing big. We will see each other again. One day._

_One day._

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A/N:

If you're religious, I ask that you pray for Aymme and anyone who knew her boyfriend, because no one I've heard about is taking this well. The last paragraph is something I modified from an original work by Aymme. I would like to show you what she actually wrote, and again ask that if you will, pray for her especially.

_Hey everyone. Well, my name is AYMME... and I have the most awesomest boyfriend ever! His name is Anthoney and we've been together for over a year. I love him soooooooo much, and I don't know what I would do with out him. He's my best friend and he's made me who I am today, even though he just moved to Ohio. But I know we can stay together, and eventually be together forever. I just miss being able to touch him when ever I want, or those midnight knocks on my window just to say hi and I miss you. He's everything I want in a guy and I know we can make it through this. It's just a bump in the road, no biggie._

Riles


	2. April 20, Robin

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans.

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_Hey again._

_It was really hard not to follow Starfire. I mean, she just up and left. She didn't give me a warning, didn't give me any kind of sign. She didn't even tell me, her boyfriend, that her stay on Earth was temporary. I thought we would always be together. But we won't._

_It's only been a week, and already I feel as though she's been away for an eternity. The tower is so quiet now. No one's ever in it. We get up in the morning, we train, and then we all go our separate ways. Are we really even a team anymore? Cyborg is always out, whether he's alone or with Bee, at the movies or the latest mechanics convention. Beast Boy is at the arcade 24/7. Raven practically lives at her café. These people I once knew, who used to be my best friends, are here but gone. They live with me, I see them every day, but I don't remember who they are._

_I remember her, though. Her soft red hair and her delicate green eyes that could show me the universe. I still wake up expecting to see her delighted face as she tells me breakfast is ready. I would do anything to eat another plate of garnoflgus, if only I could watch her make it. Has it really only been a week? Will I really never see her again?_

_That letter she left. It's still under my pillow. I won't move it. I won't even read it again. I cry every time, because along with the silence in the tower, it ensures me that she's gone. I'm the leader of the Teen Titans. I shouldn't be crying. And in that letter, she expressed her gratitude to us. That was it. There was no special word to Robin, her boyfriend. There was just goodbye. She said she was grateful to me; she didn't say she loved me. She said she wouldn't forget me; she didn't say she would spend every waking moment wondering if I was all right. I love her. I spend every waking moment wondering if she's okay. Did she not care for me the way I thought she did? Was she not in love? Would she have really just left me if she were? Somehow that doesn't sound right, and while I don't want to admit that it might be true, I can't see any way around it. Did she only date me out of pity? Was I still only her 'best friend'? All of these doubts come _after_ she's left, of course, when I can't ask her. Not that I would. Asking her these kinds of questions would be terrifying. She'd either laugh at me and wonder why I doubted her so much or flush and bow her head. The first would make me look stupid, but the second would break me. Neither are emotions I enjoy, so I'm not sure I would've asked even if I could. But at least then I _could_. Now that I _can't_, it's ripping me apart inside. I want to follow her _just_ to ask her those questions, but I know that if I went, I wouldn't be able to come back without her._

_I have thought of just going up there and staying on Tamaran. Why not? If she could make Earth her home, couldn't I make Tamaran mine? Sure, the food is repulsive in appearance and taste, but wouldn't it be worth it just to be with her? Honestly, I haven't counteracted this idea very much, so I don't know why I'm not on a ship trying to reach her. I guess I need to stay here, to save the city. Jump City needs its superheroes. But then Raven, Beast Boy, and Cyborg would still be here. Couldn't they save the city? No. Of course not. They were strong themselves, but without a leader to keep them together, they would fall apart. And the Teen Titans were never as strong without all five of them._

_Maybe that's why we're drifting away?_

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A/N:

'Ello again! Hmm… I don't particularly have much to say on this one. Just…

MERRY CHRISTMAS, AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR! -love-

Riles


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